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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26295334">never spend all your love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/topaz/pseuds/t_fic'>t_fic (topaz)</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/topaz/pseuds/topaz'>topaz</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/topaz/pseuds/topaz119'>topaz119 (topaz)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Old Guard works [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Old Guard (Movie 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort Food, Families of Choice, Gen, Home, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Post-Canon, Spoilers, Team as Family</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:42:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26295334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/topaz/pseuds/t_fic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/topaz/pseuds/topaz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/topaz/pseuds/topaz119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For all the weirdness of the new life Nile found herself in, it was--of all things--a  grilled cheese sandwich that finally pushed her over the metaphorical edge.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Nile Freeman &amp; Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani &amp; Nicky | Nicolò di Genova</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Old Guard works [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>558</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>never spend all your love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For all the weirdness of the new life Nile found herself in, it was--of all things--a  grilled cheese sandwich that finally pushed her over the metaphorical edge.</p><p>Nicky slid it out of one of his giant, heavy skillets onto a plate, sliced it with one quick slash of an ultra-sharp knife (in triangles, Nile noticed with a definite <i>WTF?</i> echoing in her head), and then put the plate in front of where Nile was sitting at the scrubbed wooden table.</p><p>"Eat," he told her in his soft, quiet voice. She knew it could turn cold and steely when he thought it necessary, but she’d only heard it be warm and welcoming to her. "If it's not enough, everything--" he gestured to his ridiculously over-the-top stove--"is still hot; it will take no time at all to make another."</p><p>Nile stared at the sandwich, perfectly golden brown bread and the cheese right on the cusp of oozing out from between the slices, and heard herself saying, "You don't have to do this, you know."</p><p>"Do what?" Nicky asked, turning back around from where he'd gone to fuss with the dishes. When Nile sort of shrugged and nodded to the sandwich, he added, sounding very perplexed, "It's bread and cheese, <i>cara</i>. Hardly an imposition on our house."</p><p>Nile told herself to let it go, that it wasn't a big deal, the way Joe and Nicky were always trying to take care of her, to spoil her. She'd already let the cat out of the bag, though, and it <i>had</i> been bugging her for a while. Now, while it was just her and the two of them, no Andy, no Copley, no job or crisis or recovery, was as good a time as any to see it through. </p><p>"Yeah, it's bread that you baked this morning and at least four kinds of cheese, and it just happened to show up the very next time I come to crash with you guys after Joe tripped over me being a whiny brat about missing my dumb American lunches." Nile stopped and took a deep breath. "You don't have to fucking spoil me. It's not necessary, okay? I'm good."</p><p>Nicky watched her with those careful eyes that missed nothing (<i>Sniper</i>, Nile's brain reminded her, and she'd seen that side of him more than once, but she also remembered that when she had no idea how she could trust what her eyes were showing her, he'd been the one who had taken her to where she could rest.)  </p><p>He opened his mouth to answer her, but then closed it, and after another second called, "Yusuf!" He went on in that weird mix of not-quite Italian, not-quite Arabic he and Joe sometimes slipped into. Andy said she didn't think they even kept track of what words came from which (long-dead) language, 'but you know,' she'd rolled her eyes, 'Nicky and Joe.'</p><p>"Perhaps it will be better if we all talk at once," Nicky said, turning back to Nile. "We do not want to make your adjustment to this life any harder than it must be."</p><p>"I know," Nile sighed. "Seriously. I do." It wasn't them, she thought. Not really. It was some part of her, buried deep, and now that she'd started this conversation, she really fucking needed to figure it out.</p><p>Joe came around the corner and into the kitchen then, his fingers dark from where he'd smudged charcoal lines and shadows in the sketchbook that was always around. He had a kind smile for Nile and a tilt of the head for Nicky, but otherwise settled himself on one of the other chairs without saying anything. Nile wondered if Nicky had told him not to sit near him, or if Joe just was that good at judging the atmosphere of a room and had gone with a place where Nile wouldn't feel ganged up on. </p><p>Either way, it was one more ticky box of how they sometimes treated her with kid gloves, like she might break if they weren't careful. Nile suppressed a sigh, and glumly bit into her sandwich, which was fucking amazing even with it having started to cool. Nicky and Joe waited patiently; Nile searched for the right words. </p><p>Finally, she went with, "Andy told me what Booker said. About how you two had each other and he and Andy just had grief." They shared a look, quick and sharp and flickering, but their attention came back to Nile in an instant. "I'm not like that, okay? You don't have to go out of your way to make me feel-- I don't know, not alone, when I'm with you."</p><p>There was a wordless conversation going on, and Nile got the impression that Joe really wanted Nicky to be quiet. And, well, what Joe wanted, Joe got, at least as far as Nicky was concerned.</p><p>"Booker wasn't wrong," Joe said. "Nico and I do have each other. We've kept each other sane--"</p><p>"For a certain definition of the word," Nicky muttered in what Nile would have thought was sarcasm, except she could see the truth of the words in his eyes.</p><p>"--through all of this insanity," Joe finished with that joyous, mischievous serenity he had, impervious even to Nicky's dry humor. "If we can help, we want to, but if we're not doing that, you should tell us. We'll listen."</p><p>He nodded encouragingly to Nile, as if to reinforce his point, and then, tilting his head, smiled at Nicky, holding the look until Nicky smiled back and nodded. Then, they were both waiting for Nile and she knew they'd accept whatever she said. They wouldn't push or even bring the topic back up if she didn't want it.</p><p>"I can take care of myself," Nile finally said. That was actually part of it, Nile thought, even if she <i>didn't</i> think that was what they were saying. When the team was out in the field, all of them, Nicky and Joe never once hesitated to toss her a gun or trust her to protect Andy or to push back against Copley's assessment from the perspective of the grunt on the ground who had to make the damned plan work.</p><p>"Of course," Nicky agreed, quiet and gentle--and maybe a little sad. When Nile flicked a glance to Joe, he was nodding in agreement, but his eyes were on Nicky, focused and intent, no room for anything or anyone else in the world. </p><p>For a second, Nile could see Booker's point of view. But only for a second, because there was a bedroom on the second floor of the old farmhouse, filled with flowers and paintings, its bed made up with sheets so soft it felt like sleeping on a cloud and the best view from the house out its windows, put together lovingly--all for her. The kitchen she was sitting in was filled with incredible cured meats and cheeses and fruits, things she liked, things they thought she might like, all hand-picked from the market as soon as they knew she'd be coming to crash with them while Andy worked out a little more of her trust issues with Copley. </p><p>They weren't just giving her a place to stay; they were inviting her into their life, and if that didn't include the bond between the two of them--because really, how <i>could</i> it after a thousand years?--it was still an open and sincere welcome.</p><p>"Nile," Nicky said. "If we are distressing--" </p><p>"No," Nile said quickly. "No. It's--" There was still a lot she needed to figure out, but making them feel badly about their consideration was not going to help. "Okay, look, I'm just--" She sighed. "I actually don't know what I am." </p><p>Both of them waited patiently for her, which she would have thought was born of living for a millennium, but she'd seen them both (and Andy, too) antsy as all hell over shit she personally found pretty damn trivial. When she'd pointed that out, it had been Joe who'd said, 'It's easy to wait for the important things, but this? Bah.' </p><p>Which, okay, this <i>was</i> important. Nile could wait to get it right.</p><p>She looked down at her plate and said, "What I do know is that I probably would like another sandwich--but only if I'm the one cleaning up."</p><p>Nicky smiled at Nile like she'd given him his heart's desire, which she already knew was Joe, so she wasn't letting herself be distracted. </p><p>"I mean it, Nicky," she warned. "Make me another sandwich--they're fucking awesome, thank you, but then take that bottle of wine that I know you have stashed somewhere and go sit with your husband out on whatever the proper Italian is for the back porch."</p><p>"<i>Terrazzo, cara,</i>" he said, reaching for his lethal knife and getting started on slicing more bread. Nile shared the rest of her original sandwich with Joe, who could always eat, and then they both half-burned their tongues off with the ones Nicky produced. </p><p>"Okay," Nile finally said, after three--or possibly four--sandwiches. "Go. Watch the stars or whatever it is you do out there." </p><p>Nicky was still going to argue--Nile hadn't missed the part where he hadn't actually agreed with her plan--but Joe got one arm around his waist and steered him out, pausing only long enough to snag a couple of wine glasses off the counter. "I have one for you, too, Nile," he called, and then the heavy wooden door slammed and Nile was alone.</p><p>The sink was wide and deep, and had a window that looked out over the hillside and down to the valley, the groves of olive trees that were dusty green in the merciless sun gone dark and a little spooky in the rapidly fading twilight. Nile still couldn't believe they didn't have a dishwasher, but that was Nicky and Joe for you--they'd spend a fortune on the most random things, spend hours at the market in the town square to make sure they'd found every last treat either one of them (usually Joe) could possibly want, and then not see the need to make cleaning up as easy as possible. (Whenever she pointed this out, though, Nicky laughed and countered that hot, running water <i>was</i> easy. What more did he need?)</p><p>Getting everything taken care of only took a few minutes, though, mostly because Nicky was ridiculously tidy no matter what he was doing. Nile knew grandmothers who didn't clean as ferociously as he did, so she really only had the plates, the pan, and the knife. He'd even managed to wipe down the counters before she could throw him out. </p><p>Nile thought about just slipping upstairs and hiding away in the bedroom they'd fixed for her. If she did, they'd let her, but Joe had purposefully told her that he had a glass for her, so it'd be clear that she was deliberately blowing them off. She hesitated for a couple of seconds, looking around at the big, farmhouse kitchen and the steps that went up to the back half of the second floor, but ultimately didn't find it terribly hard to turn away from the escape clause.</p><p>She expected to find them on the double chaise that was little more than a polite excuse for an outdoor bed, but Joe was lazing on one of the low-backed wicker chairs while Nicky was stretched out, flat on his back, on the stone balustrade behind him. Nile would have thought they were making a point by not cuddling on the chaise, but she could see where Nicky was playing with Joe's hair, running his fingers through the dark curls, so they clearly had just picked a different way to get their hands on each other.</p><p>"<i>Cara</i>," Nicky called. "Come, sit with us."</p><p>Joe stretched one leg out and hooked one of the other chairs with his foot, dragging it closer without disturbing Nicky's rhythmic petting. </p><p>"That's a neat trick," Nile said, letting herself drop down into the cushions. Joe smiled a not quite smirk, but a very satisfied smile nonetheless. "Let me guess: years of experience."</p><p>"Centuries," Joe agreed. "I might be a little too addicted to this--" he tipped his head back to smile at Nicky, and then shrugged. "You probably haven’t noticed, but we're pretty good about indulging each other." </p><p>"No, really?" Nile thought she hit a pretty good deadpan.</p><p>"I know, kid--big shock, yeah?" Joe said. Nicky tugged a little on his next pass, and they both laughed. </p><p>Joe moved willingly enough, though, when Nicky pointed out that Nile didn't have anything to drink, reaching down next to him for the wine glass that sat on the stone terrace and sitting up to pull the bottle, damp with condensation, out of the terra cotta cooler and pour for her. Nicky took the opportunity to sit up and finish off his own glass, which Joe immediately refilled and which also apparently required a kiss for payment. </p><p>"<i>Nuovamente</i>," Joe said once that had been taken care of, settling back against the cushions and sighing as soon as Nicky got a hand back in his hair.</p><p>Nile had been a third wheel before, hanging around while friends romanced their significant others, but this was nothing like that. It was, like Andy had said, just Joe and Nicky. She asked about the house and they told her it had been, as Nicky put it, "a very long while" since they had been on the peninsula. Joe added that <i>someone</i> had issues about Tuscany in general; Nicky half-fell off the balustrade to explain that Genoa had been a great city when Tuscany had been little more than villages; Nile got a lot more history of the various city-states and provinces that made up modern-day Italy than she'd bargained for. It was nice, though, the warm, not-quite quiet night, Nicky's voice rising and falling, Joe's teasing. She wasn't really a wine drinker, but it was good stuff and it went with the rest of the night. </p><p>Nobody said anything about Nile's outburst or how nothing had really been resolved, but when she stood up to call it a night, it was Joe who said, "Whenever you get it figured out, kid. No rush."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>* * *</p>
</div><p>The room Joe and Nicky had set up for Nile faced east and came with a set of blackout blinds, but she didn't want to block the view even for a little extra sleep, so the bright morning light came blazing in as soon as the sun cleared the hills that rolled off to the horizon. The house was quiet around her, and she spent longer than she would have thought just sitting on the window ledge and looking out at the countryside. Some days, the stuff she couldn't believe was all wrapped up in the trappings of immortality, but others, it was just whatever landscape was outside the nearest window. Immortality played into that, too, of course, but only as the set-up, not the actual payoff.</p><p>After a while, she got up and went to find a shower and try to figure out what was up for breakfast. On her way down to the kitchen, the last door on the hallway, right before the front staircase, opened and Joe stuck his head out. </p><p>"Hey, kid," he said with one of his big smiles, one of the ones it was impossible not to answer no matter how little caffeine was in Nile's bloodstream. "Just the person I wanted to see--perfect timing for <i>prima colazione</i>."</p><p>"You sure about that?" Nile asked. "I'm not your beloved, you  know, the one who's usually grinding the coffee beans fresh for your breakfast, remember? I'm the terrible American who doesn't really mind drinking Starbucks." </p><p>There had been an extensive discussion of that very thing while they'd been hanging around Copley's house. Nile really couldn't argue that the coffee that Joe or Nicky produced wasn't excellent, but that didn't mean she still didn't like getting something weird from Starbucks.</p><p>"True," Joe answered. "But my beloved is not going to see the light of day for hours still, and you'll let me drive you to town. The bar makes their own <i>cornetto</i> -- you can practice your Italian and we'll drink <i>cafe au lait</i> until Nicky gets his ass moving again." </p><p>That didn't actually sound much like Nicky, who was usually awake with the fucking birds; Nile smelled a rat on a mission to dig for more intel. She narrowed her eyes and said, "I thought you said whenever I was ready." </p><p>"I did," Joe said. "And I meant it--we meant it." His eyes were serious and sincere, and he held Nile's gaze easily, until she accepted his words and nodded once. Then, though, his expression morphed into what Nile had to classify as the biggest shit-eating grin she'd ever seen and he eased the door open a little farther and said, "Not about that, swear."</p><p>A few streaks of bright sunlight leaked in around the edges of the blinds, just enough that Nile could see in the room.</p><p>"Nico?" Joe called, and the lump on the bed resolved itself into Nicky sprawled out, one long line of pale, bare back with a head buried under pillows. When Nile listened more closely, she could hear a faint, pitiful whine. "See?" Joe said, very self-satisfied and smug. "He's gonna be out for hours yet."</p><p>Nile looked back at the bed and Nicky, and then back at Joe, and said, "This is where I'm seriously glad the walls in this place are a foot thick, isn’t it?"</p><p>Joe's smile deepened, and became more genuine. "You really want me to answer that?"</p><p>"No," Nile sighed. Joe laughed softly; Nicky's voice slid into hisses that Nile didn't have the Italian to properly translate. She got the general gist, though. "Come on," she said, tipping her head toward the stairs. "Let's go, I guess." </p><p>Joe drove, because he knew the way, at least theoretically. Nile was almost a hundred percent positive she knew a more direct route once they got into town, but they weren't in any hurry and there was plenty to look at as Joe zoomed them through the narrow streets. It was an old, old town--possibly even as old as Joe was himself, as he said, with a cheerful grin and a <i>ridiculous</i> eyebrow waggle. "I look better, of course."</p><p>"Has anyone explained the concept of a dad joke to you?" Nile said, rolling her eyes. Joe laughed and swung the car in some complicated, swooping maneuver that crossed over the twisty street and ended with them wedged into a tiny opening along the curb, only on the other side of the square from the bar they were aiming for. </p><p>"Nice," Nile said as she wriggled out of the car; he'd left the exact minimum amount of space she needed between the door and the ancient stone wall. "Andy did say your superpower was parking, but I gotta say, I didn't really believe her."</p><p>"Nicky had a thing about school for a while," Joe said. "One university after another after another… I got bored and started playing around with cars." He held the door to the bar for Nile and then followed her inside. "The boss is too much of a control freak to let anyone else behind the wheel when she's around, but I had some fun in the '60s. Rallies, dirt track. I like to keep my hand in."</p><p>Since they were talking about cars, Nile assumed he meant the 1960s and didn't ask where. Maybe later, after food and caffeine. The bar was crowded, but since it was a Wednesday, most everyone was bolting their pastries and downing espressos without even sitting down, so it wasn't hard to get a table. Nile did practice her Italian and didn't mangle the order too badly, while Joe said hello and good morning to more-or-less everyone in the place. </p><p>They sat at a corner table and worked their way through all the different varieties of <i>cornetto</i>--plain and cream-filled, some with chocolate or pistachio, but all of them crisp and sweet and very, very buttery. Nile had decided it was a pretty good, non-violent proof about the immortality as anything else, because Nicky and Joe and Andy ate like this all the time and nobody had dropped dead of a heart attack yet.</p><p>Joe smiled at Nile, easy and open--not the smile he had for Nicky, true, but something that was a lot more than the ones he dispensed to people he met in casual life. For whatever reason, Nile found herself taking a deep breath and saying, "My dad died when I was eleven. I don't know if Andy told you or anything."</p><p>Joe shook his head, just once. The smile faded out of his eyes, left them dark and serious, and he waited for Nile to say whatever it was she was gonna say without the slightest bit of impatience.</p><p>"It was hard after that. My mom had a lot to deal with and I was old enough to, I don't know, at least if I wasn't taking anything off her plate, I could be not adding to it, you know? So, I took care of myself, and I took care of my brother. There wasn't time or money or… energy for anybody to be spoiling anyone else. We loved each other and we took care of each other, but especially right at first, that was all we could do." Nile took a long, careful breath, and then let it out a little at a time, all that remembered pain and grief washing out with it. "And then," she said slowly, "it just kinda became who I was. Didn't need anything from anyone, no sir, not me."</p><p>Joe reached across the small table to where Nile's hand was playing with the saucer her coffee cup sat on, the movement deliberate and intentional and open, so Nile could move her hand away if she needed to.</p><p>She didn't need to.</p><p>Joe took her hand, his hand big and warm and almost as comforting as one of his hugs. Nile hung onto it for a while, not saying anything.</p><p>"Anyway," she finally said. "That's where I'm at. Sorry." She took her hand back and drank the rest of her coffee. "You can tell Nicky what I said. Andy, too, if, y'know, she asks."</p><p>Joe let Nile finish the last <i>cornetto</i> and stand up to leave before he said, "It took me a long time to let myself hold a brush, to paint, to sketch. A hundred years, at least." He held the door for Nile. "It took almost as long to feel like I was allowed to have Nicky."</p><p>He was quiet until they were back at the car, Nile wriggling back through the narrow opening between the car and the wall. "I'm just sayin', this life is hard enough to deal with. You're doing good; don't beat yourself up for what you need to get through it."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>* * *</p>
</div><p>Nicky always had a book around. Nile thought he had different ones for every room in the house, but he finished them off so quickly she didn't really have time to compare. He never minded closing the book around his finger to hold his place and talk, but sometimes it was nice just to be in the same room as someone and not have to make conversation. NIle usually spent the hour or so after a run like that, her music winding her down and Nicky in the corner of her eye, turning pages peacefully. </p><p>He always looked up when Nile took her earbuds out, even if only to smile at her as she left to go shower, so it was easy enough to start a conversation without feeling like she was interrupting him.</p><p>Well. Not <i>easy</i>, but that was because of the subject, not because she felt bad about yanking him out of his book.</p><p>"What I told Joe," Nile said quietly, knowing without having been told that Joe had shared their breakfast conversation with Nicky, because of course he had. "It's not just that."</p><p>Nicky nodded. Nile wondered if he'd always been good at being there and present and supportive, or if it was something he'd learned over the years.</p><p>"Like," Nile sighed, "even if I can stop the knee-jerk reaction I get when it feels like you're spoiling me, I don't know how to get past not ever being able to let my mom do it, you know?" She made herself meet his eyes, no matter how much she wanted to look away. "'Cause she tried. Later, after a couple of years, when she wasn't so dragged down by it all, and I--" Nile sighed again. "I just kept right on putting her off, pushing her aside. Didn't need nothing, not me." She shrugged. "I was--I don't know, angry, I guess. At the world. It kept me going, for a long time. And wanting my mom to take care of me felt like it'd bring my whole life down on top of me."</p><p>Nicky still waited, like he could tell there was more, which, of course, there was.</p><p>"So," Nile said. "You tell me how I'm supposed to accept it from you, when I couldn't take it from my own mom? I mean, my <i>mom</i>."</p><p>Nile hadn't cried about much, not since her dad had died, but she had to stop right then and breathe slow and careful, until the weight on her chest eased off a little.</p><p>"That, I can't answer, <i>cara</i>," Nicky said, serious and maybe a little sad. "Except to ask if your mother would want you to push everyone away if she couldn't be with you."</p><p>"No," Nile whispered. "But--"</p><p>"We--all of us, Joe and myself, Andy, even Booker in his own way--we wanted to help make this less… difficult. Joe and I did have each other, almost right from the first. Andy… she says she does not remember how she found her way, but when she and Quynh found us, they came to help us. It took us too long to find Booker, I think. His was not an easy transition, alone and set in motion on a dark path." Nicky stopped for a few seconds, considering his words, Nile thought. "And we…" he sighed. "We were still grieving not being able to find Quynh, having to admit we could not find her, knowing she was still out there somewhere, alone and suffering. We did our best, but it wasn't enough, and Booker...."</p><p>His voice trailed off and he shook his head.</p><p>"I'm not him," Nile said, as gently as she could. "And even if I was, it's not on you to fix everything. I appreciate everything you guys have done, but--"</p><p>"No," Nicky agreed. "You're not. We see that--" Nile couldn't help the skeptical look she shot him, but Nicky met it head on and didn't back down, so she motioned for him to keep going. "We take care of each other. How can we do that for you?"</p><p>Nile had actually been trying to work that out herself--to no real success. </p><p>"I don't know," she sighed. "I mean, it's not like you've guessed wrong on anything so far. It's just not what I'm used to. I'm the one who takes care of people."</p><p>She wasn't lying--she hadn't made corporal as quickly as she had without being ready to take care of shit--but it sounded kind of lame to admit she didn't know what to say.</p><p>"Which you do here, too," Nicky said. Nile snorted, but he only smiled, one of the ones that were mostly about his eyes. "Do you think Andy lets just anyone guard her back? Or that Joe indulges his terrible, terrible love of sweets with random people off the street?"</p><p>"Like that's such a big thing," Nile said.</p><p>"Bread and cheese, <i>cara</i>," Nicky countered. "They're not such a big thing either."</p><p>Nile opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it without saying anything, because, yeah, he did have a point. That was part of what was so frustrating about her entire reaction. Instead, she said, "What do I do for you?"</p><p>Nicky's smile widened. "You indulge Joe's terrible love of sweets."</p><p>"Me going off with Joe really isn't something for you." Nile said, still on the fence about whether he was blowing smoke--because that was something she absolutely could see Nicky doing. Not in the field, but here in regular life, yeah, for sure. </p><p>"It makes Joe happy, which makes me happy." He went quiet for a bit. "Before you came, <i>cara</i>, we were apart--Andy did not want this life, Booker was miserable. Joe and I were together, but the rest of our family was far, far away from us."</p><p>"Booker still is," Nile said, though she hardly needed to remind him.</p><p>"Yes, but Andy is here, more fully present than I can remember in many, many years. And even though he is apart from us, Booker will perhaps find a better path because of the break."</p><p>"Yeah, it was a wake-up call, for sure." Nile thought about it for a minute. "I don't know that he's going to take the right message from it, but…"</p><p>"He was not going to find it with us," Nicky said, not even trying to hide the grief in his eyes. Nile could maybe see a little anger there, too, but nothing like what she knew Joe was carrying around. "None of us wanted to believe that, until we could not ignore it any longer." </p><p>They were quiet for a little bit, but then Nicky straightened up resolutely, saying, "You have joined our family. That is what you have done for me."</p><p>Nile looked at him for a long few seconds and then said, "So, what you're telling me, Nicolo, is that you and me, we're kinda the same. Because that's about as good as me saying I don't need anything extra, I'm good just being here."</p><p>"Perhaps," Nicky said with a sly little smile. </p><p>It was an invitation, Nile was sure; one that asked if Nile wanted in on this part of his life. It was a pretty good offer, Nile thought, one that she found herself good with accepting.</p><p>"A'ight," Nile said. "I won't tell if you won't."</p><p>"Deal, as they say." He smiled in satisfaction, as thought he'd won some kind of a contest.</p><p>"You're so full of shit, Nicky," Nile said, but she was laughing as she said it, and he didn't hesitate to join in. "You're just going to keep right on doing what you do, aren't you?"</p><p>"Probably," Nicky agreed, but then got serious to add, "But you must promise to tell me if I overstep."</p><p>"Right back at you," Nile said, which almost seemed to take him by surprise. Nile knew damn well that Joe spent every waking moment attuned to Nicky, and she'd seen how Andy looked out for everybody. Even Booker had been doing his best to take care of things, but maybe it had been a while since anyone had actually said that to Nicky? He nodded slowly, and Nile said, "Seriously, Nicky. You good with that?"</p><p>"I am," he said. "It does not have to be a transactional thing, though."</p><p>"Yeah, no, I know," Nile answered. "But if you can take care of me, I can take care of you, right? It goes both ways."</p><p>"It does." Nicky cocked his head and looked at Nile. "Is that what you needed? To know that we accept your care, too?"</p><p>Nile hadn't actually thought about it that way, but it did make her breathe a little more easily.</p><p>"Yeah?" Nile said. "I mean, I guess so. It means…" She let her voice trail off while she considered things a little more closely. "It's what I do with family."</p><p>"Then I am very happy to be a part of it, even though it is not necess--"</p><p>"Yeah, don't," Nile said, laughing again as she stood up to go upstairs and take her shower, because for sure, she and Nicky really were on the same page. "It's not necessary, but that's the whole point, right?"</p><p>Nicky smiled back at her, and yeah, it wasn't how he looked at Joe, but there was a lot there that Nile really hadn't ever expected to find out in the world. Just to try it, Nile let her hand brush across Nicky's shoulder as she passed. Nicky leaned into the touch, not a lot, but enough that Nile could feel it and went back to his book, and the day stretched out in front of them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh, c'mon, like my brain was going to miss out playing with all of that fabulous canon found family...</p><p>Title from <i>Before We Turn To Dust</i>, by Sean Hayes. The full lyric is <i>You may spend all your money // Before you turn to dust // You will never spend all your love</i>.</p><p>If you want to come say hi, I'm <a href="http://topaz119.dreamwidth.org/profile"></a><a href="http://topaz119.dreamwidth.org/"><b>topaz119</b></a> (dreamwidth) and <a href="http://topaz119.tumblr.com"></a><a href="http://topaz119.tumblr.com"></a><b>topaz119</b> (tumblr)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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